Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: You're listening to the Known Legacy podcast brought to you by Known Legacy Ministries. For more information, go to knownlegacy.org now here's your hosts, Bill and Travis.
[00:00:13] Speaker B: What a gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous. Can I say it a few more times? Gorgeous, gorgeous, beautiful outside. It is absolutely, stunningly beautiful. I'd like to thank Kyle, our producer in the corner.
[00:00:23] Speaker C: Absolutely.
[00:00:24] Speaker B: For giving us his backyard today to record out here. It is fantastic. Welcome to the Known Legacy Back podcast. We're so excited you guys are here. As always, it's just Bill and I today, we don't have any guests, so we're talking about, I think, a really good topic about the tension of being a husband in the home when things are not going well and how do we navigate that. But before we get there, as always, you can follow us on Instagram, you can Watch us on YouTube if you want to see our beautiful faces, you can follow us also on Facebook. Bill's doing a great job posting there. And as always, if there's anything that you have questions wise or comments info, known legacy.org you can go to the website known legacy.org for Bill's book speaking engagements, info about the men's retreat that's coming up. Bill, why don't you give us a quick update on the men's retreat?
[00:01:09] Speaker D: Yeah, we're excited about it, man, if you guys are able to make it. It is April 10th through the 12th here in Texas. We are looking forward to be a great, great weekend of just getting away, getting real with God, seeing the bigger picture and coming alive to who he called us to be, man, even, even now, just, just the idea for us to wake up here up and come alive to who God called us to be, we're going to bring that to the, to the men's retreat. So we're excited to have you guys there.
[00:01:31] Speaker B: And I'm gonna make a call out a challenge to you because Bill challenged me with this and I got my boy on it. If you have young men that are 18 or older, maybe in college or maybe finding their career, this is a great opportunity for them to pause in the midst of the chaos and identifying who they are and their vocation and just having some time with Jesus. So invite those young men in your life to come and be a part of this. There's a student discount. There is. So we make it affordable for those guys in college and make it happen,
[00:01:58] Speaker D: you know, and if you're not here in the Texas area, we also have every week, yes, our adrenaline shot Bible study that we want you to know about. We'll put a link in the bottom. Adrenaline shot, you know. Now it's early 6:45 in the morning, but you're on the phone. So you could be like ironing in your underwear and no one would see you. But we want you to be a part of that because we understand that most men in church. In fact, I just heard this. I think Jim Burns said it the last time that we had him on was that 50 of men over 50, don't worry. Would not have someone that they could count as a best friend right now.
[00:02:25] Speaker B: That's crazy.
[00:02:26] Speaker D: And that's outside the church.
[00:02:27] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:02:27] Speaker D: So then you go in the church and it's like the 90th percentile.
[00:02:30] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:02:30] Speaker D: Of guys, you realize. So we want you to find a place to be a part of. Make one of your places. Thank you guys for being here today. Man, I'm so excited about being here today.
[00:02:38] Speaker B: I am, too.
[00:02:39] Speaker D: Seeing your pretty face.
[00:02:41] Speaker B: Thank you. I've been working on it. I've been working on it. Don't want to, you know. Yeah. Anyways, question of the day.
[00:02:47] Speaker D: Question of the day.
[00:02:49] Speaker B: Hey, by the way, before we go into the question of the day, gentlemen, listen, we need you.
[00:02:55] Speaker D: This is for you.
[00:02:56] Speaker B: This is for you. Because I know every time you're coming to the segment, you're like, I can't wait. Bated breath what the question is. And I know it probably appears like we spent hours researching these questions and they're put together. They're really not. We develop it on the fly. Shocker. I know. Shocker. But what we want you to do is if you have a question that you want Bill and I and Kyle to process beforehand. And it's got to be fun and goofy. This is not.
Email us infononelikes.org or put it in
[00:03:26] Speaker D: the comments right below the video.
[00:03:28] Speaker B: And you never know, your question might come out and we'll give you all the credit we can. Absolutely. This question is from Kyle here in Allen, Texas, our producer.
[00:03:38] Speaker D: Good job.
[00:03:40] Speaker B: Springtime has sprung and it's always for me. I don't know about you guys, but it is a season of nostalgia.
I remember growing up up north in spring and see the flowers and getting to mow the lawn for the first time and smelling that fresh cut grass and everything else.
You don't have to worry about leaves and you know that summer's just around the corner. It's always good. So the question of the day today.
[00:04:05] Speaker D: Question of the day today, again is
[00:04:10] Speaker B: what is an old candy or drink that you loved when you were a kid that maybe you haven't had for a while or is out of production. What do you long for when you were a kid growing up? That's the question, Kyle. What do you got?
[00:04:26] Speaker C: I'm going to go. I think it's still around, but. And I grew up in Ohio.
[00:04:30] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:04:31] Speaker C: But for me, it was Orange Crush. Oh, so good. And then I know there's Fanta now, which my son loves. When he was a kid.
[00:04:41] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:04:42] Speaker C: When I was a kid, it was Orange Crush. Grape Crush.
[00:04:45] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:04:45] Speaker D: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:04:46] Speaker C: If anybody remembers him.
[00:04:47] Speaker D: Oh, yeah.
[00:04:47] Speaker C: But that was so good. That was mine.
[00:04:49] Speaker B: I have good news for you, Kyle. I have good news from a good land. Orange Crush is still around because it's one of my son's favorite drinks. And so we have it stocked in the fridge right now. Absolutely. Or we did every once in a while. Mama Tara will bless the children with some Orange Crush. So. Yes.
Diabetes, diabetes, diabetes.
[00:05:12] Speaker D: That was in can. Love it.
[00:05:13] Speaker B: Okay, so for me, so my mom was a smoker when I was growing up. She quit long time ago. God bless her. Good job, Mom. I'm proud of you. But I don't know, like, culture was so different back in the 70s and 80s.
I don't think kids today understand what it was like when we were growing up. But you remember when you could get packs of candy cigarettes.
[00:05:33] Speaker D: Oh, yeah.
[00:05:33] Speaker B: And there was, like a powder in it, and you could blow out the powder so it looked like you were smoking. So while your mom's sucking on a lung dart right next to you in the car and you're sitting in the front seat.
[00:05:43] Speaker D: Ever heard it called that in my life. A lung dart.
[00:05:45] Speaker B: Sitting in the front seat without a seatbelt on, you could have your own candy cigarette. And it was horrible candy. It wasn't chewy. It was chalky. It was. But I just remember, like, feeling like I was. I had arrived because I was in the front seat of the car with my mom, smoking with her. Oh, my gosh. And I was like, seven, six.
What an odd culture.
[00:06:05] Speaker D: We grew up, you know? But that was the same thing with, like. I remember when I was a kid and I wanted to drink coffee like my parents. It's in a co. Acquired taste. I'm like, okay. And I didn't realize that that meant it's gonna suck for a while until you like it. So I'm like, drinking. I'm like, this is really good. You know, it's the best stuff ever. But now I'm, like, addicted to it like crazy.
[00:06:24] Speaker B: But Yeah.
[00:06:24] Speaker D: I think for me, when you first said the question to me, the first thing that came to mind was ecto cooler.
You remember those?
[00:06:32] Speaker B: X. No, haven't ever heard of it.
[00:06:34] Speaker D: The Ghostbusters. Ghostbusters.
[00:06:36] Speaker B: I remember Ghostbusters.
[00:06:38] Speaker D: They had a special, like, drink because it was like, ectoplasm, like, the green.
[00:06:43] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. Yes.
[00:06:44] Speaker D: Kool Aid did ecto cooler.
[00:06:46] Speaker B: Oh.
[00:06:47] Speaker D: And so that. And the other thing I thought of was there was this gum called, like, bubble jug, and it was powder. It was powder.
Powdered gum that you put in your mouth. Nothing. It's probably, like. It's probably, like, military grade. You know what I'm saying? Like, there's some gum for you.
And so you would chew on it, and, like, you'd have to, like, your saliva would make it turn into gum. But it was amazing because you're like, this is powder. It's so cool.
[00:07:12] Speaker B: I can imagine what the.
The boardroom was like when they came up with this idea. Okay, so we're gonna cut out the middleman. We're not gonna actually produce the gum. We're just gonna provide you the materials for the gum and put it in your mouth and see what happens. What are we gonna call it?
[00:07:27] Speaker C: You provide the saliva.
[00:07:29] Speaker B: What are we gonna call it? I don't know. Bubble gum.
[00:07:31] Speaker D: No. Bubble Jug. Bubble jug. That's it, man. Put down in the bottom. Your favorite. We would love to know what your favorite kind of candy was as well, man, as we.
As. As we always reminisce. There's so many other ones, but it was so, so good. So good.
[00:07:46] Speaker B: Absolutely. And if you happen to find a picture of you with that, share that with us. Oh, and always share the question of the day with us, because we'd love to hear from you guys. So, anyways, Bill, kick us off with a conversation today, and what are we talking about?
[00:07:59] Speaker D: So, man, we had a great response from one of our last podcasts. We're talking about making marriage easier. And someone's like, man, but marriage is so tough. Obviously, read first thing. Check out the book because. Because Arlene's book is amazing, and there's a lot of practical tips. But you're right, we didn't go deep into it. And some of those questions arose of the idea of, like, how do you die to yourself. I love the comment that. That this listener said. They said that they were talking about marriage is beautiful and brutal at the same time.
[00:08:28] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:08:28] Speaker D: And. And I'm like, wow, that's a really good way to put marriage in, like, you know, if you had to put it together. But this truly the aspect of dying to self, what does it look like, man? You know, again, just the reality that our spouses are a really effective mirror to our weaknesses as we go through problems and situations. And so then this tension arises and you're like, I want to be a man of God that honors my family. And you're like, just be.
Just be nice or whatever. You're like, how do I actually do it?
[00:08:59] Speaker B: Right?
[00:08:59] Speaker D: And I think the first thing is this idea of dying to self. And what does that look like in our lives?
[00:09:05] Speaker B: Well, I think when you're saying that to the young guys that are listening to the podcast, I would say first and foremost, Paul is not lying when he says, don't choose someone that you're unequally yoked with.
And it is really hard. And that's why it is so important that the spouse that you choose shares the value of Christ and pursuing Christ.
[00:09:28] Speaker D: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:09:29] Speaker B: Because at the end of the day, let's be honest, just like our wives are not going to change us, we are not going to change our wives. The only change agent that I know of in our world is truly the Holy Spirit. When the Holy Spirit get grabs hold of a heart and prunes the junk away so that we may produce more fruit, it's huge. And so I think the first thing is, choose wisely.
Choose wisely because the looks will come and the looks will go.
But the character and the heart of a woman that has followed Jesus and wants to continue to pursue that relationship is huge. Because now that is a moment where you as a husband are in a difficult situation, and you know that you're supposed to serve, but you also know that there's tension that keeps being brought into the relationship for whatever reason.
[00:10:14] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:10:15] Speaker B: You have a chance to go to the king of the universe, your dad in heaven, and pray on behalf of your wife that the Spirit would be faithful to do what the Spirit needs to do, but also that he would give you the patience to suffer through whatever she suffering through. Because there's a lot of scars and hurts that I think a lot of women carry around that are hidden and maybe not even known to them, but it comes out in really weird ways and it affects the relationships around them. Does that make sense?
[00:10:41] Speaker D: Yeah, it makes perfect sense. I. You know, you brought up a really, really good point in the beginning, guys. You're right. The looks will fade. I mean, there's nothing wrong.
[00:10:47] Speaker B: I mean, my wife is still beautiful.
[00:10:48] Speaker D: Exactly. My wife is beautiful as well. But I'M saying, like, I see me, I see me in the mirror. The looks have faded.
So. So, man, there's nothing wrong with engaging that real your life going, I want a beautiful wife, but don't let it just be skin deep.
[00:11:03] Speaker B: Really.
[00:11:03] Speaker D: That's it. Like, that's the biggest thing. More problems that have I. That I have had in moments of counseling with people of man, it's like, well, it was hot and heavy and awesome and then we realized we weren't on the same page.
[00:11:14] Speaker B: Correct.
[00:11:14] Speaker D: And so I love that you said equally yolk. So for the young guys out there who are just kind of going, I'm getting started out before you, before you put a ring on it, man, is she walking the same way that you're walking? Right. Does she have the same beliefs? Because for you to go, well, they'll change later. Nope.
When you put a rotten apple in a bunch of apples, it doesn't, it doesn't make that apple better.
[00:11:33] Speaker B: Right?
[00:11:34] Speaker D: And so I'm not saying that the power of the gospel can't change somebody. What I'm saying is choose wisely.
[00:11:39] Speaker B: Right?
[00:11:39] Speaker D: This is the greatest choice you'll make. Beyond coming to know Jesus is finding the spouse that's going to be equally yoked with you.
God will honor you in that. And so I think that's the first thing. So now we've got that, but now we've got people who are like, what, time out. I've been married 15 years, right? And we just can't stop fighting. What do we do?
[00:11:56] Speaker B: Right?
[00:11:56] Speaker D: And I think the first thing I would say is if your first thought is, it's time to escape this, you need to rethink your inks. You need to rethink and go time up before you run away from this. Why did, why is this situation happening? It's not a one way street where she's all the problem, Right? And it's not just, you're the, you're the problem either. But to go, okay, God, you brought us together, we've gotten this far.
It's not an accident at this point, right? And there's a lot of belief out there that there was, that, oh, this was mistaken. And the world is going to celebrate you letting that go. You deserve something better. Like maybe.
But there's an element of you going, this is where the diet itself starts, is to look at it and go, why? Like, how did we get here? You know, we look at the immediate knife, knife attack. Like, okay, well, he said this to me. Yeah, well, she said this. So I did that back and forth, you got to chew it down to the bone and find out, man, where is, where did this pride and selfishness come from? Where did this argument start? And man, where do I have to look at myself first and examine my heart and go, God, what do I need to change when it comes to my response to how my wife is?
Does that make sense?
[00:13:04] Speaker B: It does make sense.
[00:13:05] Speaker D: And so I think we need to look at this from, from, from this perspective of God. Examine my heart. Psalm 139, 23, and 24 says that examine my heart.
David is clear to talk about the value of saying, God, you have authority to search me out. Before you respond to being right or to the argument at hand, take a quick assessment about yourself before you decide to go pull out some divorce papers or make something happen. Take a quick look.
You can attest to this as well. We've seen too many people, you're like, no, it's worth fighting, it's worth fighting. And they want to point, blame. So first thing is to examine themselves in how they respond to their spouse first.
[00:13:44] Speaker B: Yeah. And I call this the Pac man principle, because I'm a child of the 80s and Pac man was amazing. And yes, I watched the cartoon. It was a horrible cartoon, but I loved it. Oh, I know, but it's this idea of like, if you look at the Pac man, he has, 90% of his body is yellow and only 10% is that mouth that opens up.
And if you look at our relationships, like, 90% of our relationships are typically pretty good, but there's 10% of tension or point. And if we over focus on that 10%, it can feel like 90%.
[00:14:13] Speaker D: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:14:14] Speaker B: And so I think a few things is make sure that you keep things where they belong. I love what you also said is like, change happens in repentance.
Right. Change does not happen in judgment. Change does not happen in condemnation. Change happens in repentance. And so, gentlemen, sometimes it behooves us. Yes, I use the word behoove. It behooves us to be. To begin that initiation.
[00:14:38] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:14:39] Speaker B: To begin that process.
And to identify and to go to your spouse when things are bad and say, listen, I fully understand and I acknowledge what I've done here and be as specific as you can. Right. I acknowledge this, I acknowledge that. Acknowledges don't come with excuses. Like, I know I've been working really hard, but, you know, I know the promotion was right there and we wanted.
I know that things have been out of balance. I know that I haven't prioritized you and, and the kids the way that I desired and definitely the way that you desire. And so I just want to let you know, I'm sorry. And I am working hard to engage in this process in a more faithful manner. Yeah, right.
[00:15:19] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:15:20] Speaker B: I mean, you know, and here's, and here's the challenge.
[00:15:22] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:15:22] Speaker B: You have to be willing to have that conversation and for her to go, thanks.
And she doesn't change.
[00:15:29] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:15:30] Speaker B: And because there's skepticism and there's heart and there's deep scars that have built up over years of a certain behavior pattern that in a lot of ways she's going to be saying, I'll believe it when I see it. She won't say that per se, but she may behave in such a way that she's like, okay, I'll believe it when I see it. And so that again, that's us engaging in the long suffering of reorienting our lives towards Christ, allowing Christ to direct our steps, and understanding that if Christ is the one who's directing our steps, Christ loves the family and Christ loves marriage. And so he's going to read direct our steps in such a way that honors our spouses and allows us to invest in our kids so they may be faithful, lifelong followers of his son, Jesus.
[00:16:11] Speaker D: Absolutely. And I think we look at the element and go, if we think that by escaping this, we're escaping a reality that's not going to happen again, we're lying to ourselves. The same problems are going to happen with someone else. They may, like, they may look a little different because, well, this spouse, she doesn't do this for me, or she doesn't respond like this to me. The other one may respond to you like that, but there's another fault that they have. We are faulty individuals and so something else is going to come up. So I think before we just say, that's it, we're done. Look, look at your life, look at the situation before you say the next statement and go, man, where do I want to be with this in 10 years? Is what I'm about to say going to lead me to the desired place that I want to be in 10 years? Like, do I want to be visiting my grandchildren separately on another occasion besides my ex wife?
Do I want to not have to be in the same room with them? How does this work? Work this out to the bone? Is it worth you being right? Is it worth you running away from? Or do you think you need to stop and assess where you want to be before you find yourself having made it Made a decision that you can't turn back from.
[00:17:11] Speaker B: So let me ask this then, Bill.
[00:17:13] Speaker D: Yeah, go for it.
[00:17:14] Speaker B: Because this can sound or feel like guys, just be a doormat.
[00:17:20] Speaker D: No.
[00:17:21] Speaker B: And just let your wife or your spouse walk all over you. It's all your fault.
And you know, so how do you, how do you live within that tension?
[00:17:30] Speaker D: I think the first thing to remember is we're the leaders of the family.
[00:17:32] Speaker B: Okay?
[00:17:33] Speaker D: So we set the tone. We can set the tone. We have a very passive society of men who have not. Who have allowed their wives to be the spiritual leaders, to be the leaders in their family. Decision makers, financial leaders.
Honey, where do you want to go? What do you want to do? What do you want? Like, where do we go for, like, how many guys choose the vacation?
You know, I'm saying it's like, honey, where would you like to go? Exactly?
[00:17:54] Speaker B: Kyle in the corner raises his hand.
[00:17:55] Speaker D: But how many guys are the leaders? When you start assessing your life, how many times have you been the one to make the decisions? Or have you live and have you let that lead, have you let your wife make those decisions for everything? That's the first thing. Then you realize some of these guys look at me go, man, there's a lot of passivity in my life. And so now I'm trying to lead in this one area. And she's seeing the full gambit. I'm not saying it's all our fault, but I am saying that we are the spiritual leaders.
[00:18:19] Speaker B: We're responsible for ourselves.
[00:18:20] Speaker D: Yes. And we, and we have to take charge of what it looks like from this point on. We can't fix the past, but we can move on different in the future. If she doesn't agree with that man, that's a different conversation. But I would say most of the time when we're having conversations with people inside, counseling, inside moments, it's to say, God, like, how should I handle this? To set the tone for the rest of my family and not let her lead that in a way in which she's already shut down.
[00:18:47] Speaker B: Correct.
The other thing that I would say is, and I use this all the time, unspoken expectations is fertile ground for conflict.
And I see a lot of marriages where they start and there's a lot of unspoken expectations and there's a lot of non verbal communications. But as those things shut down, it's very difficult to continue because you don't know what they want anymore because they're a different person than the person you married. Right. Life changes. It happens.
I think the two sides of that coin of expectations is one of those, do you know what you need from your spouse? And have you effectively communicated that in a way that is not putting them on the defensive, but inviting them to love you the way that you need to be loved? Number two is this. Have you cultivated that conversation with your spouse to say, hey, sweetheart, how do I love you better?
How can I serve you better? Because we can come up with ideas and solutions to problems that may not even be there. I may think the problem is X, when really she's seeing the problem is why. And if we don't ever have that conversation of like, hey, sweetheart, what do you like, here we are, we got three kids, we got a mortgage.
What. Tell me, what are the expectations that you have from me that will help you and bless you and help you come alive?
And can I share with you what it is that I need from you? Like, I just need you sometimes to not hound me, but just see the little things that I'm doing and say thank you. Like, be as specific as you can, sweetheart, because when you say thank you to me, it fills my sales and I. I am able to take on whatever storm is ahead.
[00:20:30] Speaker D: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:20:30] Speaker B: When I know. Because when I know that you're thankful for the small things that I'm doing. I heard an interesting quote, like Ephesians talks about, husband loves your wives, Wives respect your husband.
[00:20:40] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:20:41] Speaker B: And you know what the sound of respect is? Thank you.
When your wife is in the posture to say thank you for the little things. Hey, thank you for filling up my gas tank. Hey, thank you for doing these little things. It encourages us as men, but most women don't know that because we've never communicated it to them. Because we just expect them to know. We've been married so many years, they should know. Well, guess what? They're saying the exact same thing about you. We've been married so many years. My husband should know and we don't. So I think developing that, that conversation of like, sweetheart, I want to love you better, help me understand how to love you better and vice versa is really important. Yeah.
[00:21:22] Speaker D: I think what. Even as you're talking, I'm sitting there going, number one, stop the passivity, guys. It starts with us. Stop the passivity.
[00:21:29] Speaker B: Stop the passivity.
[00:21:31] Speaker D: You're a singing fool today.
[00:21:32] Speaker B: I love it. Singing fool.
[00:21:34] Speaker D: I think it's a key element, guys, that we step into this and go, I'm not going to be passive anymore. I've got to move this. Because then you take yourself 10 years down the Road. As a passive person, you're like, is this really where I want to be? No, I really don't. Something's going to go wrong in that. So step up and then acknowledge the wrongs. Like you said, be a safe place for them to have the conversation. And it might be something where. And I'm like, I'm saying, you know, it's, you know, am I just putting it on the guy? I am, for the most part, because we are the spiritual leaders. I'm not saying we're dumb, they're smart. I'm not saying. I'm saying, like, someone needs to set the tone.
[00:22:09] Speaker B: Correct.
[00:22:10] Speaker D: And there's all this frustration. Why don't we set the tone and create a new culture in our family that doesn't exist? Especially as. As we get older, our kids get older. And you're like, how do we do this now that we haven't had conversations in 20 years? Someone needs to break the shell.
[00:22:24] Speaker B: Correct.
[00:22:24] Speaker D: And here's the thing. It can be broken. That's the part that we keep thinking is we put a giant maybe on there. But we're like, man, John 10, I came to give you life and give it abundantly until your kids graduate, you know, high school.
[00:22:37] Speaker B: No, no, forever.
[00:22:39] Speaker D: And so we have this opportunity now to see, man, there's some tension. I want to create a safe place for her to be honest with me and then be able to take that. Because then when that's safe, you can then share it with them as well.
[00:22:49] Speaker B: Correct.
[00:22:50] Speaker D: But we set the tone for that and then from there, you know, draw the line about serving each other. And I think that's where. When I. When I saw. When we heard it on the podcast, because we only got to scratch the surface with Arlene, I think she had a lot more to talk about.
[00:23:05] Speaker B: She had so much.
[00:23:05] Speaker D: We're have her back on.
[00:23:06] Speaker B: She was so full of data, too.
[00:23:08] Speaker D: Oh, so much truth. And so, so. And there was a lot of talk about serving our spouse. It's like. But it's not an equation of, I'm going to do this. And then eventually, boom, she's going to be.
If it's a heart change, of, I've got to be the one to break the passivity. I've got to be the one to set the tone and then create a safe place for us to have the conversation of, hey, honey, like, it may. It may be a month, maybe two months. But. But is it worth you giving up now and having, you know, your kids, having two Christmases, your kids dealing with those Kind of elements, or is it enough for you to go, I'm going to put in all the effort to make this happen, to begin to say I'm sorry, to create a place to then have a healthy conversation. A soft answer turns away wrath.
[00:23:51] Speaker B: Right.
[00:23:52] Speaker D: So if we can do this in a way in which we're not, like, tiptoeing around, but we're like, no, I have not been leading the way. I need to lead. This is how we're going to do it from this point on and step into that and see what happens with our marriage.
[00:24:03] Speaker B: So, two practical applications here. One is if you find yourself in a situation where you see your spouse more as a business partner than as a lover, you need to understand that if you don't address this without the emotions, there will be a moment when things go bad and it will come spilling out. And instead of being encouraging and healing, it's going to be hurtful, and you don't want that. So figure out a time and a place where you can start this conversation where the emotions are not high because there's tension or there's hate or there's anger or there's disappointment or whatever it might be.
The second thing I would say is this.
This is where brotherhood comes in. Really important.
[00:24:46] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:24:47] Speaker B: If you're going to be stepping into this, Satan would love nothing more than to throw big hand grenades in this and just blow it up.
[00:24:53] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:24:54] Speaker B: So you need to be in a posture of prayer, preparing for this conversation. That you would have a heart of gentleness and a heart that's tender to hear what needs to be heard and that you would not go into the defense mode. And to have some guys that know what's going to be going on and are praying for you, passionately praying for you in that conversation. That there would be literally a hedge of protection, that the spirit would be present in that and that both hearts would be ready to hear what is going to be said about expectations, about how we've both been missing the mark. And let me tell you something. We've had and been blessed in our podcast over the last few years to have some amazing men who are finishing the race very well.
And they will always have this amazing woman on their back that's helping them, encouraging them, blowing into the sails. Right. And it's so worth it.
[00:25:43] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:25:43] Speaker B: Like, I thought my greatest years were going to be the first few years of marriage. Let me tell you something. After 26, seven years of marriage, at this point, I am in a better place today than I ever was as A young kid and my, like, literally the relationship that I have with my wife is so much deeper and richer today. And it's worth it. Yeah, it's worth those hard conversations. It's worth those. You know, I said at one point, there's three conversations that every couple needs to have on a regular basis. One is, what are the. What are our finances? Right. Make sure you're on the same page for finances. Two, what are the dreams that we have for the future, short term and long term? Could be vacation dreams. It could be family dreams. It could be, you know, we want to buy a ranch and go become preppers. I don't care what it is, go. The third one is intimacy and sex.
You got to have those conversations about what does intimacy and sex look like as we progress forward in our age and how do we continue to initiate that? Because what was.
What was hot and heavy when you were younger may not be hot and heavy today. Because things change. Yeah, people change. Right? So those are the three conversations, and those are. Those are tension filled. And if you can't have those conversations, maybe it's time to start having those conversations.
[00:26:55] Speaker D: Well, that's it. Our desire for you guys is that you would have a fruitful marriage of man, when your kids leave the house. You guys aren't just co laborers in some place. You're not just business partners.
[00:27:06] Speaker B: Right?
[00:27:06] Speaker D: But you're really coming alive and you're celebrating the life that you guys have together. And, man, that starts now. That starts now. So before you guys start the fight, ask yourself some of these questions. Not just for you, but for everyone who comes after you. Guys, thanks so much for listening to us today.
[00:27:21] Speaker B: Hopefully this has been helpful.
[00:27:22] Speaker D: We hope it's been helpful. Man, we'd love to connect with you. Infoownlegacy.org and man, we are so grateful that you showed up today so that you could wake up, gear up, and come alive to who God has for you.
[00:27:32] Speaker B: You guys, out of all the things to fight for and sacrifice for, your marriage is priority number one.
[00:27:37] Speaker D: Amen.
[00:27:38] Speaker B: Amen.
[00:27:39] Speaker D: Have a great week, guys.
[00:27:40] Speaker B: God bless you.
[00:27:42] Speaker A: Thanks for listening to the no Legacy podcast. We'd love to hear from you. So email us your questions or comments to Infonolegacy.
