Episode Transcript
[00:00:01] Speaker A: You're listening to the Known Legacy Podcast, brought to you by Known Legacy Ministries. For more information, go to knownlegacy.org now here's your hosts, Bill and Travis.
[00:00:14] Speaker B: Good morning, Bill.
[00:00:15] Speaker C: Summer breeze makes me feel fine Blowing through the jasmine in my mind.
[00:00:27] Speaker B: Well, well, that's a welcome, Kyle. How you doing over there?
[00:00:31] Speaker D: Great, thank you.
[00:00:32] Speaker B: Good to be back, Kyle, our producer in the corner. It's always good to have you. Just a little info for you guys. Bill and I took an entire afternoon. We recorded four podcasts and I was the producer. And turns out I failed miserably because I forgot to unmute the microphone.
[00:00:45] Speaker C: You didn't feel. You didn't fail miserably. We just fell forward. We failed forward.
[00:00:49] Speaker B: We failed forward. So we have four amazing podcasts that no one will ever hear because it was never recorded, literally.
[00:00:54] Speaker C: But you can watch them for free.
[00:00:55] Speaker E: No, I'm just kidding.
[00:00:55] Speaker C: We'll launch them right after this.
[00:00:58] Speaker B: You can put in your. Your subtitles.
[00:01:00] Speaker C: Exactly.
[00:01:01] Speaker B: Fill it in. Anyways, thank you guys for checking us out. We're Known Legacy Podcast. We've been doing this about eight, eight and a half years. It has been a joy, has been an honor, as always. You can follow us on Facebook, you can follow us on Instagram, you can check us out on the YouTubes and if you are so inclined, three things that we ask.
One, that you would like it and give a positive review if that's something you. You. You're up to. Two, that you would be willing to share it and maybe get some other brothers locked in. I got a guy named Frank. Frank, this shout out to you every time I'm around him.
He is always promoting Known Legacy podcast. He just is always.
[00:01:34] Speaker C: We love you, Frank.
[00:01:35] Speaker B: And I also want to shout out to Art who has been texting me recently. He's like, dude, the podcast just. Man, they're so encouraging.
[00:01:42] Speaker C: They're so good. Thanks, Art.
[00:01:43] Speaker B: And he's a police officer out in California, so we need to be praying for him.
[00:01:47] Speaker C: Yeah, we do.
[00:01:48] Speaker B: Always.
And the third way, Art, you are
[00:01:51] Speaker C: a picture of happiness. Get it? Art, picture.
Moving on.
[00:01:59] Speaker B: I'm just letting that one sit right there.
Right there. And thirdly, go to the website Known Legacy. You can email us at infoone Legacy. And if you are so inclined to donate to support this mission and ministry, as always, we. We appreciate that it helps fund different outings, different men's retreats, and things that Bill is doing throughout the week in the year. So keep that up. So, Bill, tell us some of the other things.
[00:02:20] Speaker C: No, guys, Want to let you know about a couple things. Every Thursday morning at 6:45 we have a men's adrenaline shop, Bible study. We'd love you to join.
There is no pressure to you. No one sees you. It's on the phone. But we have guys all over the country that are on that, driving to work and they're just listening to truth. We want to help these men wake up Europe and come alive to who God called them to. The next thing we have is a known Legacy brotherhood that's new on Facebook. Now listen, I know Facebook is old, but so are I.
And so if you have a Facebook page and you're like, I'm sick of being on there, jump on the known legacy brotherhood Facebook page. We just were praying for each other. We'd love to connect with you. We keep you up to date with what's going on in known legacy world as well as man. Just letting you know that people are praying for you. So jump on that. There'll be a link provided below in the session notes as well as we have a brand new thing. If you're in your walk with the Lord and you feel like, man, I just don't know where I'm at. I don't know how to jump start my faith or I kind of want to know where I'm at spiritually, emotionally. We have a brand new wake up guide and seven day reset that is free for you.
And that link is provided below as well.
Please take, take some time to check that out. It will change you if you take the time, seven day devotional time to say, God, what are you doing in my life? So check that out. We'd love to have you be a part of what we're doing all the time at Known Legacy.
[00:03:36] Speaker B: Absolutely. And I'm so excited about the guest we have today, Brian Becker. We'll get into that introduction, but before then, the question of the day.
[00:03:43] Speaker C: Question of the day.
[00:03:46] Speaker B: Okay. So you know the trope, the trope of, you know, you hit your 40s and your 50s and someone asks you, well, if you could meet your junior high self, what would, what advice would you give to your junior high self?
[00:03:56] Speaker C: Eat more protein. Oh, no, that's me now.
[00:03:58] Speaker B: I'm sorry, I forgot all of those things. Right. And I want to flip the script and say if you were meeting with your junior high self, what advice would he give you in who you are today?
What advice would he give you today? So Bill, I'm going to go to you first because I, I came up with a question. I don't have an answer yet.
[00:04:15] Speaker C: No, I like it. Actually, you know, the first thing that came to mind right off was like, hey, you want to go out and play?
Oh, like, just go out and have fun.
Like something in Field of Dreams.
[00:04:24] Speaker B: You want to play catch?
[00:04:25] Speaker C: Oh, dude, no, don't do that. Don't do that. Don't you dare make me cry. You take that away, Ricky Bobby. Don't put that, don't put that on my Ricky Bobby.
We, I, I, I would say, I would say that, like, go and go and enjoy life. Like, like so much gets caught up. I saw this, I saw this, this reel yesterday. It was about a girl who now graduated college. And it is like, June and whatever. Like, okay, well, I'll see you next year. And she's like, where are you going? She goes, wait, don't we get summer break off? And they're like, no, honey, you work. She goes, what do you have to look forward to? She goes, retirement. She goes, oh, I got a refund in my taxes. You know what I'm saying? Like, but I think just that, that moment of enjoying life still along the journey. And so they, I guess, essentially, like, go out and play. Go out and play. Grab your bike and let's go ride bikes.
[00:05:09] Speaker B: Fantastic. Kyle, what do you got?
[00:05:11] Speaker D: Dang. I don't. That was a good one.
[00:05:14] Speaker B: That was a good one, wasn't it?
[00:05:16] Speaker C: You can say the same thing.
[00:05:17] Speaker D: No, I, along those lines, I mean, I think not to take yourself too seriously. Just, just to take risks and, and don't be afraid to, you know, break a leg, you know, so.
[00:05:31] Speaker C: Absolutely.
[00:05:31] Speaker D: Come up with.
[00:05:32] Speaker B: Well, thank you both for taking both of mine, because when Bill took, you know, go out and play, I'm like, oh, okay. My next one's going to be take a risk, take a chance, learn a new skill. Yeah. And then Kyle takes that. So I'm going to stay there. I'm going to say, if he probably was sitting with me, he'd say, first off, you're fat.
[00:05:48] Speaker C: Stop.
[00:05:49] Speaker B: Second up. And I'm like, yeah, chunky monkey, I got you. This is your DNA too, son.
[00:05:54] Speaker C: Exactly right.
[00:05:54] Speaker B: But no, too. I, I think it would be like, don't be afraid to fail. And I think we hit a certain age where we're, we're hesitant to take risk because the failure seems so much bigger and so much more impactful. But the reality is, like, go learn a new skill. Find a hobby. Go, you know, take, go out and look like a doofus on the driving range again and learn how to, to Golf, you know, find something.
[00:06:17] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah.
[00:06:18] Speaker B: That you are not skilled in and don't be afraid to fail and look not like an expert and ask for advice even at your age, you know, from other people.
[00:06:27] Speaker C: It's interesting because I remember we would, we would set up jumps, you know, like, we'd have these certain, like little, little ramps and stuff. And never thought about the landing ever.
[00:06:35] Speaker B: We're just.
[00:06:35] Speaker D: Nobody had helmets.
[00:06:36] Speaker C: Nobody had helmets.
I mean, we were sniffing gasoline. I don't know. It was a glorious 80s, you know, I'm saying. No, but what I'm saying is like, we never thought about the, the repercussions.
[00:06:46] Speaker B: Correct.
[00:06:47] Speaker C: Maybe some of that was what. But in that we lost this. Like you said, risk taking or the. Well, it's, it was more on the what if, what if something awesome happened versus what if we broke the fact when somebody broke a leg or something. Like, just don't tell mom.
[00:07:01] Speaker B: Right.
[00:07:02] Speaker C: Just like play it off like.
[00:07:03] Speaker B: And let's not kid ourselves. We, we would go even higher and faster if there was a girl watching.
[00:07:08] Speaker C: Oh, absolutely.
[00:07:08] Speaker B: And we would do anything we could to impress any kind of girl that was around us, whether she was drop Dead Gorgeous or Ms. Homely.
[00:07:15] Speaker C: Did not matter.
[00:07:16] Speaker B: Did not matter. And, and again, I, I, you know, if I'm going to be honest, I still have to do that, engage in that same behavior with my wife.
[00:07:25] Speaker C: I do too.
[00:07:26] Speaker B: Like, I've been married 28 years and I, I still need to, you know, sometimes just go, I'm going to peacock for a little bit. I'm going to try and impress my wife. Now nothing's going to impress her. I know that. But still, it's a good habit to rediscover.
[00:07:41] Speaker C: Oh, I love it. This is a great question. I feel like this is great.
[00:07:43] Speaker B: So, yeah. So anyways, if you guys have any thoughts, share it in the comments below.Info known legacy.org if you have any thoughts on that, we would love to hear from you guys and what your junior high self would tell you today. And without further ado, I want to introduce our guest today. His name is Brian Becker, And Brian and I have known each other for about 30 years. Let me set this up. So I worked at a church in downtown Houston, Texas, and one of the guys that was working there, his name is Don Christian, and he brought in this expert, Brian, to lead us through a staff development training thing. And I just, I fell in love with this guy. I thought he was so approachable, he was so kind of fun. He had brilliant wisdom. And I know his Journey has been through many different organizations, and now he does some consultant work for the C Suite and has heart and a passion for board and board of directors, particularly with nonprofits and things like that. We're going to get into that a little bit more, but I am, I am so excited about the conversation today and, and seeing what God has on his heart. So for you, Brian, if you were sitting with your junior high self, what would he tell you today?
[00:08:56] Speaker E: Well, this is really interesting because when I was in junior high, I had some of the hardest things that have ever happened to me in my life happen to me.
[00:09:07] Speaker C: Oh.
[00:09:07] Speaker E: And so, and so I had a dad that loved my mom and loved me, but also could be abusive at times.
My, my sister died when she was 18 and I was in junior high and I was with her alone when that happened.
And I discovered pornography when I was in junior high and I didn't know what that was. I'd never heard about it, never seen it. And that sort of perfect storm.
[00:09:35] Speaker B: Oh, yes.
[00:09:36] Speaker E: Really, really hard things happened to me when I, my brain wasn't fully formed.
And yet while through the middle part of my life I kept thinking how horrible that was. When I finally got that reframed as a child of God, good counseling, 12 step meetings and all that, I realized that what I'd been trying to hide for so long was where the strength was, that God had planted those seeds and all along was saying, uncover it, uncover it, uncover it. Because in the hard stuff, in the hard stuff is where you're going to find your strength. And every time you try to hide that, the devil's like, ah, yeah. Keep those secrets tight, locked up, and they'll grab you by the throat. And so while, I mean, I also enjoyed life and had fun and friends and all of that, but I didn't know what I, what I was experiencing until later on when I can unpack that and go, wow, that stuff that I. That was hard, literally hard, became the fuel for what allowed Jeff and I to write Tender Lions.
[00:10:43] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:10:44] Speaker E: Another good book on many, many Christian men and families and keeps me, like, in the back of my head now. Instead of saying, you should have done something, now it says you did what any junior high kid would have done and you just need to. It's never too late. They, like, turn around and take that first step in the right direction.
[00:11:04] Speaker B: So maybe your junior high self would look at you in the eyes and say, well done. Thank you, you know? You know?
[00:11:10] Speaker E: Yeah, yeah, thanks. Yeah. I didn't frame it like that until I was about 45 years old.
[00:11:15] Speaker B: Oh, yeah.
It's always a journey. It's always a journey.
[00:11:19] Speaker E: Yeah, Absolutely.
[00:11:20] Speaker C: It definitely reminds me that, that your. Your greatest calling generally comes from your greatest wounding. Oh. And so I love that you took that and you turned that around exactly like that. Like, man, all these bad things happened. I don't want this to happen to somebody else. So how do I move in that? So that was. That's incredible. I'm excited to hear from you today. Already we're like, you're dropping bombs.
All right. Do we just, like, do we like, close it out now? Is that enough?
[00:11:42] Speaker B: So the secret sauce to known legacy is we always get guys smarter and more charisma and absolutely drop the truth bombs. Where Bill and I can say, take chances and play. And you can say, live a redeemed life in the blood of Jesus Christ. You know, I love it.
[00:11:57] Speaker C: That's great.
[00:11:58] Speaker E: And if my son were here, he's not. Was not able to be with us this morning. When we get into difficult things and can't figure out what he just says, rip the band aid off. Just rip it off.
[00:12:07] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:12:08] Speaker E: And just because it's. It's gonna fester if you don't. And it's gonna be hard, but it'll be better later on. So we're going to rip the band aid off.
[00:12:15] Speaker B: I love it. I love it. So introduce yourself to the crowd, to our community of guys that listen online and watch the videos.
Who is Brian Becker? What's been your journey and where are you at right now?
[00:12:26] Speaker E: Yeah. So married 43 years.
Congrats.
Yeah. I mean, in the middle of all that, there was a couple of years where I did not think it was going to make it, but we did, and that's an amazing blessing. Two kids, both married for grandkids.
I'm just blessed. I get along with my kids and my grandkids and their spouses. And so that's all good.
I'm. I'm still working mostly with nonprofit organizations on planning board development, culture, leadership development. I do some executive coaching and that's fun and meaningful.
On the personal side, I grew up farm boy, Southern Illinois, really sheltered little square of a life where I grew up and then went to Chicago, go to college and like, wow.
So all the stuff we thought was happening, really, I mean, it's not like the world is not like I pictured it. And so.
[00:13:29] Speaker B: Right.
[00:13:30] Speaker E: I was an educator for a while.
I self employed most of my adult life. I had about a 15 year off ramp, 17 year off ramp at Concordia Chicago in the foundation office. So I was doing fundraising, alumni development, marketing, relationship building, campaigning, and then I went to Waitridge Ministries for a little over 10 years and love that experience of grant making. Yes. Proposals from all over the country, all over the world, mostly from Lutheran organizations and the ability to walk alongside them to plant help plant new ministries, new program. All were around whole person health and things like Stephen ministry and parish nursing. I mean, we were on the ground floor with helping those things get started and so it was a great blessing.
[00:14:22] Speaker B: You are speaking my love language, man. I love that stuff.
[00:14:25] Speaker E: I Left there about 10 years ago, 11 years ago, and went back to being self employed. When I met you, Travis, at Trinity Houston, I was the first time I was self employed in the 90s. By the way you were talking about Chunky Monkey. You look exactly like
[00:14:43] Speaker B: I've always been on the husky. If I'm shopping for pants, I've always been in the husky section.
[00:14:48] Speaker E: Let's be honest, I had hair back then too.
[00:14:51] Speaker B: Yes, you did. You did.
I appreciate your authenticity and kind of your transparency. And I think that's one of the things that guys really need is just this other guys that have gone before to be honest with their hurts, their brokenness. And you talked a little bit about the situation with your dad where he loved you, but his anger was not always directed in healthy, positive ways. It sometimes came out as abusive.
And then you find yourself married, you have your son, and eventually you write a book with your son. Tell me a little bit about that journey of healing from the hurts of your dad, which I think a lot of guys still struggle with today.
And then how did you break that cycle in your own family, which eventually produced this, I think, great book, Tender Lions and.
Yeah, tell us about that journey.
[00:15:38] Speaker E: Yeah, so I mentioned in the first minute, you know, that I discovered pornography when I was a little kid. And in that moment of finding this magazine in a ditch, not knowing what it was, I felt like I was plugged in for the very first, probably maybe the first of my life. I was like aroused as a, you know, maybe I was 13 or something like that. I also remember I was in the middle of. On a country road. I remember looking around to see if anybody was watching me.
[00:16:08] Speaker B: Fascinating.
[00:16:09] Speaker C: Interesting.
[00:16:10] Speaker E: Like in the Garden of Eden where Adam and Eve, you know, they were naked and ashamed.
The day before they were naked and they weren't ashamed, you know, and so I'm like, there's something powerful and evil about this.
[00:16:24] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:16:24] Speaker E: And it went from being interesting to fascinating to by the time I was in my mid-20s. I was addicted, and I didn't even know that was a possibility.
And here I was, married and two little kids.
And then that was when the Internet came along and that became like, free candy. And a number of years later, I'm like, oh, I'm in a. I'm in a. In a bad place.
And so I found my way to good counseling. 12 step meetings. I'm like, okay. At a point where I felt like I was okay. I'm on a way better path. I've. I felt like my wife needed to know who she was married to because she's like, seeing me, you know, going to counseling, and I was sharing little bits and pieces, and I'm like, now, by the way, I don't know that this was the right thing for every man, but for me, I felt like my wife needed to know who she was married to. And so there's no good way to have that conversation. It's going to be explosive.
[00:17:19] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:17:20] Speaker E: And so incredibly hard. The kids were teenagers at the time, Jeff.
I shared with my teenage kids what had happened, sort of in a PG version, right. Conversation. They were angry, they were crying. They were. I destroyed the trust. I mean, I was a. I was a. I was a crappy, dysfunctional dad back then because of the addiction and all the secrecy.
25 years ago, at the end of that conversation, my daughter got up and went out the back door and walked down the street to her friend's house and poured out her heart to her right. My son went up to his bedroom and closed the door.
Think of the difference between when you've just been handed a heavy load and you have a safe, transparent, loving place to be vulnerable versus locking that all up.
[00:18:13] Speaker B: Right.
[00:18:14] Speaker E: And, oh, in hindsight, he became we now when we didn't see it at the time, but now we try. When Jeff and I do talks, conventions, conferences, whatever, we try to create little things for the guys to hang on to. So we have what we call three A's. He was angry, he was afraid, he was alone. Bad place, bad place for a young guy to be. And. And over a period of years of me being consistent, counseling, recovery, we. We put it back together. But, you know, the trust went from 100 to zero in an instant.
[00:18:50] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:18:51] Speaker C: And then.
[00:18:51] Speaker E: But you have to rebuild it like one slice of paper at a time. One slice, one slice, one slice, one slice. And eventually there was a lot of forgiveness. Not because I think I'm such a great guy, but because I really.
Healing power of the Holy Spirit was Alive and at work in. In all of us.
And. And what a blessing to have that now. And. Yeah, so. So anyhow, I. I also, you know, worked through all of that and. And that helped me in my counseling.
I mean, as a. As an executive coach, it helped me see issues in leadership and culture that I never would have seen had I not been through my own counseling and understanding myself better and better. Some of you guys probably know Kurt Bickle.
Kurt's a really brilliant consultant. And Kurt said over the many years. He's probably 70 years old now. He said over many years, he has had counseling himself because he feels that all of that helps him be as. Be more in tune to his own identity and his own, and that allows him to see that in others. And so I've tried to take on that. That model as well.
[00:20:03] Speaker C: Man, I love. I love what you're talking about. And I almost would love you to just expound on the freedom on the other side. Yeah, I think some guys hear that and they're like. And how do I say this? Some guys hear that, they're like, it's still not worth it. I'd rather just hide it.
[00:20:17] Speaker B: Right.
[00:20:18] Speaker C: Share some of the freedom and the beauty that you've seen from it. Because so many guys are going, it's not worth.
It's still not worth it to me. I'll just remain isolated and alone. Because that's still easier, right, than it is to cast this. This burden of sin out, to share it with someone else and then possibly even to share it with your family. Can you share some of that? Because I do believe what. Because what I'm hearing from you is it's the most valuable thing you've ever done because it changed the direction. But can you share that a little bit with the guys who are going, I don't want to share this yet because I don't feel convinced.
[00:20:49] Speaker E: Yeah, because the scare. Great question, Bill.
The scariest day of my life was maybe the most defining day of my adult life. You know, right there with my baptism. You know, I. I was terrified, and yet I believed, and I still believe that I. She deserved. Kim needed. She deserved to know who she was living with. And, yeah, I was also learning through counseling that the secrets unresolved will cause passive aggressive behavior. They pull you back towards your addiction.
There's a contempt that runs underneath that where you're not honest with yourself. You can't be authentic. You can't have. You know, one of the things that Jeff and I learned when we were in the middle of Writing the book was we ran into a piece of research around how when dads don't have an authentic emotional connection to their kids, that's when all the risk factors start to pop up in the kid's life. I mean, the relationship to the mom is very, very important. I don't want to minimize that. And God bless every single mom, you know, but the dad relationship is the one that's more closely identified with the risk factors that pop up. Right, Bill? I'm not sure I answered your question.
[00:22:04] Speaker C: No, I think you did. So our goal here is to help men wake up, gear up, and come alive to who God called them to. And that's one of the biggest linchpins. You know, we joke and we say 99% of men struggle with pornography and 1% lie about it. You know what I'm saying? It's like.
And I'm saying that a little bit of jest, of tongue in cheek, but it's so available to men right now. And I know this isn't. This isn't simply a pornography conversation, but it's the high hitting one. And there's so many other ones.
[00:22:30] Speaker B: Right.
[00:22:30] Speaker C: Whatever their sin issue is, like, they're dealing with a, you know, a chemical addiction or an alcoholic addiction or too much golf, or I'm passive as a dad and whatever it is.
Yeah, gambling's actually the number one addiction right now above pornography.
[00:22:44] Speaker E: Growing, like, wild. Yeah.
[00:22:45] Speaker C: Yeah. And so. So to any of those guys, I just. I guess that's it. Like hearing your. The other side. The grass truly is greener on the other side. And I think that's what I'm trying to have you expand. Yeah. So go ahead.
[00:23:00] Speaker E: Let me. Let me go back to your question a moment ago.
If someone listening right now is thinking, okay, I'm gonna get honest with my wife, and let's say that they've blown through three credit cards because of gambling, or they've had an affair or they stole from their boss or whatever and be like, maybe legally, and I mean, like, ethically, morally, like crushing. I. I would advise you not to sit down at lunch today and, like, barf this all out to your spouse. I would advise you to find a. A friend or a counselor.
Maybe your pastor is well skilled in this. I found that our pastor was not well skilled in this and made some early on errors because this was new territory for him that made my wife not want to talk to him. But, but, but getting really good advice and getting your own head in a better place and then saying, okay, here's How I can unveil this to those that are closest to me.
It's going to be hard, but it will. You'll never live a full life. You will never be who God fully intended you to be until you embrace that you're a child of God first and foremost. And that grace and forgiveness is for us if we, well, like, live with an open hand and accept it.
[00:24:14] Speaker B: So, yes, I love that. I love that. Yeah. So I would love to. You talked about your wife and as much as she was able to share her journey with you once she got the information, what was her journey like? Because I think that's one of the things that we will tell ourselves is I don't want to burden my wife with this. I don't want to, you know, she has enough going on right now as it is.
[00:24:38] Speaker E: We.
[00:24:39] Speaker B: What was that journey for her as you watched it from the outside?
[00:24:43] Speaker E: Yeah, One almost like altered reality, like disbelief after being married for, you know, 17 years or whatever.
Anger, rage, destroyed trust, contempt, righteous anger.
No doubt about that. I mean, you know this. I made it a thousand bad decisions and kept them a secret.
Part of my behavior was almost predictable based on the type of life I went through as a kid, you know, and using porn to, to, you know, soothe the grief and the anger and that sort of stuff. But back to my wife with her, she was a public school teacher for her entire career and some of her non believing friends were like, you're going through what? He's an addict. He did that. Divorce him, kick him out.
And it was her, it was her Christian girlfriends who surrounded her and said, Kim, you are standing, standing in the fire. You can't make that kind of a decision when you're in the fire.
[00:25:50] Speaker C: Right.
[00:25:50] Speaker E: You need perspective. And they listened to her. They, they cried with her, they prayed with her, they talked with her, they took her to lunch, they wrote her letters and cards.
And I think that it takes a village. I kind of that, you know, 30 years ago when that phrase first came around, and now I'm like, I think I'm married because of the village.
[00:26:10] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:26:11] Speaker E: And those, those ladies, you know, they were all in their 40s at their time. They're all in their 60s and early 70s now and they're still best friends.
And, and Kim has been able to sit down with other women who discovered that their husbands, our pornography addicts, and say, yes, this is incredibly hard. You feel like you just got punched in the gut. She told me once, she said, she goes, I felt like I was raped emotionally by this.
It was like, like scarring her. And she also said, we're going, you know, with me, you know, we're going to counseling. We're going to do this, we're going to journal, we're going to have hard conversations.
And over a period of months, she eventually said to me, she goes, I can see, I can see that you're. You're committed to this path. I mean, you're going to meetings, you're journaling, you're. You're being honest, you're going to counseling, you're talking differently, you're acting differently with the kids. She goes, I'm proud of that for you. She goes, I'm still not sure I want to be married to you. But she says I have to forgive you. She goes, it's not because of you. She goes, I have to forgive you because I'm stuck.
[00:27:23] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:27:23] Speaker E: And that was this whole revelation around. Forgiveness is for the person who's been hurt, which goes to that freedom. Earlier, Bill set her free to a new path. And then over the course of those coming months, we were like, okay, this is. We're really going to. We're really going to stay married, aren't we?
[00:27:44] Speaker C: I love it.
[00:27:45] Speaker E: Freedom in that, renewed, like, hope in that was really powerful.
[00:27:51] Speaker C: So just. And I know you, you have a question. I want to just acknowledge something. So, guys, what he's saying is the freedom that you then felt was then cast on everybody else in the family.
You being able to confess this wasn't very little for you and for everybody after you, your wife, your kids experienced freedom because you had the guts to do this. So, guys, if you're out there and you're going, this isn't worth it.
What you're stopping is the freedom that your wife will feel because you don't see it. But something's going on in the spiritual realm that's in bondage because you are doing this, cast this on, like confess this sin first someone to else. And then guys have the conversation, if needed, with your family so that they can have freedom.
[00:28:40] Speaker B: Right? It goes back to one of the A's, the alone right, and how important it is to have good Christian counsel around you when the storm is not intense. Because when the storm does get intense, that's when they show up. That's when they should show up to help journey through. And again, you couldn't help your wife through that journey. She had to have a sisterhood of faithful followers that understood grace, understood forgiveness, and understood the long journey towards healing that you were going to undertake. And the world is always going to scream, take the easy road. Just divorce it, move on. It's no big deal. And we know that would not be the easy road that's the hardest of the roads and all of the fallout that that brings. And so, gentlemen, again, just for you, if you feel alone, man, realize there is a. There is a high calling to a brotherhood of guys that you invest in that invest in you. Because when the storm hits, and it will hit, you need a group of guys that are going to support you, champion you, rally you, encourage you, remind you that you are not defined by your past. You are not defined by your mistakes, but you're defined by the cross of Jesus Christ and that new identity that he has put on you.
[00:29:45] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:29:46] Speaker B: Forgiveness and mercies new every single day.
[00:29:49] Speaker C: I love it. I love it. Brian, any final thoughts to those who are out there wrestling with this right now?
[00:29:56] Speaker E: Yes.
A while back, Jeff and I were doing a talk at something called the Man Feast in Grand Island. There are about four guys there. It's hosted by a Lutheran church in Grand Island.
And during the course of our talk to them, we asked them to just scream out words, tell us, give us a word that describes your dad. And some were saying, faithful, honest. Some were saying, cheater, drunk.
Words went from one end of the spectrum to the other. Then we said, okay, let's say, let's jump forward 15, 20 years from now and you're all grandparents.
What do you want? The three words that your grandchildren or your children.
And then they were like, they were like, faithful, faith filled, honest, moral, hard work. And. And we're like, it's never too late.
[00:30:49] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:30:50] Speaker C: Amen.
Oh, I love this. This has been great, guys. Thank you for listening. Brian, thank you for being on today. Yes. We're so excited. So good, guys. Man, I hope that if you're out there and you're feeling burdened with what this sin that's in your heart, whatever it is, we pray that you confess it. We hope that you see, saw the freedom that you can have by just what Brian did. An entire life has been changed because he had the guts to confess his sin one to another and then confess it to his family so it's not too late. Like he said, there's still time because you're still breathing. So, Travis, final thoughts?
[00:31:23] Speaker B: No, I would just say, yeah. Gentlemen, it is a spiritual battle, not flesh and blood. And this is won and lost on the spiritual realm. So abide in Christ. Get to know him better every single day. Get to know how he loves you, how he sees you how he is ready and willing and already has set you free. And man, there is no better life than living a life without the the shame and the hiding of whatever it is that Satan is using against you guys.
[00:31:49] Speaker C: We believe in you. We're praying for you. The Lord believes in you. And I hope you guys walk away encouraged from this.
[00:31:54] Speaker B: Yes, God Bless you guys.
[00:31:55] Speaker C: Have a great week.
[00:31:57] Speaker A: Thanks for listening to the Known Legacy Podcast Podcast. We'd love to hear from you. So email us your questions or comments to infonolegacy.
[00:32:12] Speaker B: Com.
